What bokononists whisper whenever they think of how complicated and unpredictable the machinery of life really is.


By Elton Beard

There are two kinds of people in the world, those who divide people into two kinds and those who don't. I don't.


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ARCHIVE ARCHIVE ARCHIVE

Sunday, July 13, 2003
8:00 AM PT

Shorter John R. Lott Jr.:
Letting Teachers Pack Guns Will Make America's Schools Safer

  • My statistical analysis shows that there is no difference between an elementary school yard and the OK Corral.

Saturday, July 12, 2003
11:30 AM PT

Shorter George Tenet:
Statement by the CIA Director

  • Mr. Bush is not responsible for his own words - that giant fib he told in the State of the Union address was all my fault, sorry about that.

Friday, July 11, 2003
4:00 PM PT

Shorter Charles Krauthammer:
Liberal Democrats' Perverse Foreign Policy

  • All profitable wars are good, be they defensive or offensive, but it is immoral to intervene militarily solely to help others.

11:30 AM PT

Shorter Michelle Malkin:
Disposable kids

  • Day care is killing America's children.

Inspired by a suggestion from Sebastien of Sadly, No!

Thursday, July 10, 2003
9:00 PM PT

It's possible the President did lie but most evidence points to wishful thinking on WMDs rather than outright deception. Thus spake Bill O'Reilly, still circling warily around the obvious.

OK, scratch the "it's possible" part. He lied. CBS is now reporting that Bush knew the Iraq info was false when he quoted it in his State of the Union address, according to senior administration officials. This story made the CBS Evening News (RealPlayer) too. The meme is now officially in play.

CBS link via the normally hilarious Mad Kane. And Josh Marshal has more on this at the original Talking Points Memo.

Update: also Atrios, Calpundit, DailyKOS, Thinking It Through and uggabugga. How many atoms will it take to achieve critical mass?

1:30 PM PT

Shorter Norah Vincent:
Money and Politics Fuel the Obesity Gravy Train

  • Unlike, say, corporations, individuals who suffer any condition of which behavior was a factor - like obesity or AIDS - should not petition the government to address their concerns.

11:00 AM PT

Shorter Richard Cohen:
Why the CEO in Chief Needs an Audit

  • If you hand your employees the keys to the store, it's a good idea to check up on them once in a while.

Contributed by Susan Madrak of Suburban Guerrilla.

Wednesday, July 9, 2003
1:30 PM PT

Shorter Christopher Hitchens:
Saddahmer Hussein

  • Saddam Hussein is so evil that overstating his WMD threat just a tad is OK if this helps get rid of him before I run out of metaphors.

Tuesday, July 8, 2003
2:00 PM PT

Another Bush lie, seconded by Ken Adelman. During a CNN interview last week, correspondent Tumi Makgabo inquired of Mr. Bush regarding the absent casus belli for his recent war. After tossing off the standard fabrication about finding "biological labs", Mr. Bush changed the subject to his backup reason for the war:

... I believe in freedom for people, and I suffer when I hear the stories of what took place inside of Iraq, the mass graves that have been discovered, the torture chambers, the jails for children.
Jails for children - the horror! And Mr. Bush is not alone in feeling for Iraq's formerly incarcerated children. Yesterday on CNN Crossfire (partial transcript), Ken Adelman of the Defense Policy board also expressed his joy at the liberation of Iraqi youngsters:
Instead of the hundreds of kids 8, 9, 10, 11, 12 years old in prison, and have been languishing in prison for years because of what their families might have said about Saddam Hussein - they're out of prison, they may be going to school, they're living a life.
Well, not exactly. It turns out that the story told by Bush and Adelman does not comport with actual reality. The tale they were telling was, simply put, yet another Bush administration lie. As explained in Saturday's New York Times, the alleged kiddie jail was actually... an orphanage. And this has been known for months:
The orphanage had been home to 107 girls and boys whose parents were killed or imprisoned, or were unable to care for them. As the Americans advanced on Baghdad, they mistook the orphanage for a jail or prison and released all the children who were there.
[...]
Many children who have not returned have resorted to life on the streets, begging for food or money, or perhaps turning to drugs or prostitution.
So much for that liberation fable.

Meanwhile, unnoticed by Bush or Adelman, there really are kids imprisoned in terrible conditions, who desperately need American help right now. But not in Iraq. Here in California, young suspects - not convicts, mind you, but merely suspects - are thrown into adult jails, with predictable results. From Saturday's Los Angeles Times article, Keeping Kids in L.A.'s Adult Jails Is Shameful:

The recent news accounts of the dehumanizing conditions under which juveniles are held in the Los Angeles County Jail confirm what we saw this year when we were part of a delegation that visited the Men's Central Jail: The youths are on lockdown up to 23 1/2 hours a day in windowless 4-by-8-foot cells, in conditions much worse than those experienced by some adult inmates on death row.
Rather harsh. Unfortunately, Mr. Bush only seems to feel the pain of brutalized kids when they are jailed in a country run by a duplicitous unelected leader who harbors weapons of mass destruction and attacks other countries without provocation.

Wait a minute...

Monday, July 7, 2003
2:30 PM PT

Shorter Joseph Loconte:
The Importance of Believing in Charity

  • The purpose of Bush's faith-based initiative being to finance the proselytizing of poor people, participating organizations should be exempt from laws constraining publicly funded religious indoctrination.

Home


ARCHIVE

2007
December          
November          
October          
September          
August          
July  30      9  
June          
May          
April  2        
March  5        
February  5 12 19 26  
January  1  8 15 22 29
 
2005
December 5 12 19 26  
November   7 14 21 28
October 3 10 17 24 31
September 5 12 17 26  
August 1 8 15   29
July 5 12      
June   6 13 20 27
May       23 30
April 4 11 18 25  
March   7 14 21  
February   7   21 28
January 3   17 24 31
2006
December          
November          
October          
September   11 18 25  
August   7     28
July 3 10 17 24 31
June 5 12 19 26  
May   8 15 22 29
April 3 10 17 24  
March   6 13 20 27
February   6 13 20 27
January 2 9 16 23 30
2003
December 1 8 15    
November 3 10 17 24  
October 6 13 20 27  
September 1 8 15 22 29
August 4 11 18 25  
July 7 14 21 28  
June 2 9 16 23 30
May 5 12 19 26  
April 7 14 21 28  
March 3 17   31  
February 3 17   24  
January 6 13 20 27  
2004
December   6 13 20  
November 1 8 15 22 29
October 4 11 18 25  
September H 6 13 20 27
August I A T U S
July          
June   7 14 21 28
May 3 10 17 24 31
April   5 12 19 26
March 1 8 15 22 29
February 2 9 16 23  
January   12 19 26  
2001
December 3   10    
November 4   11 19 26
October   11      
September          
August          
July          
June          
May          
April          
March          
February          
January                      
2002
December 2 9 16 23 30
November 4 11 18 25  
October 7 14 21 28  
September   9 16 23  
August 5 12 19    
July 1 8 15 22 29
June 3 10   24  
May 6 13 20    
April 1     22  
March 4 11 18 25  
February 4   18 25  
January 6   21 28  


Busy, busy, busy.

What bokononists whisper whenever they think of how complicated and unpredictable the machinery of life really is.


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